Dennis and Carole McDonald have been married for nearly 66 years. They met as teenagers at technical college and have built a life together ever since. So, when Carole’s Parkinson’s progressed and she began needing more support, deciding whether to consider a care home was never going to be easy.
For Dennis, it meant confronting a difficult question:
could he continue providing the care Carole needed at home?
Today, Carole lives at Rotherwood’s Colwall Care Home. Dennis says she has settled well, while he has been able to step away from being her full-time carer and spend more time simply being her husband again.
This is their story.
Carole was diagnosed with Parkinson’s around 2017. As her condition progressed, Dennis gradually took on more responsibility for her care.
Professional carers visited in the mornings to help Carole wash and dress. For the rest of the day, and during the night, Dennis was responsible for supporting her.
He wanted to continue caring for his wife, but eventually had to acknowledge how demanding it had become.
“It’s a full-time carer’s job, and I’m not getting any younger. I found it very, very difficult. I wanted to do it, but you just can’t.”
After speaking to their GP, Dennis began to consider whether Carole needed a different level of support. The GP was also concerned about what continuing as they were could mean for Dennis’s own health.
Dennis was determined that moving into a care home should not simply be a decision made for Carole.
They discussed their options together. His priority was finding somewhere Carole herself felt comfortable.
“It wasn’t for me, it was for her. And if she wasn’t satisfied with it, then she comes home, and we relook at things again.”
Rather than treating the move as an irreversible decision, Dennis suggested that Carole try living in a care home and see how she felt.
Fortunately, he says, she settled into her new surroundings very well.
Dennis began his search online, looking at different care homes within travelling distance of their home near Hereford. That search led him to Rotherwood’s Colwall Care Home.
The surroundings made a positive first impression. Dennis liked the spacious layout, wide corridors, bedrooms and views towards the Malvern Hills. But attractive surroundings weren't enough on their own.
For Dennis, the most important question was much simpler: what would the care be like?
“The main thing with the care home is the care; that’s important. That’s the major thing.”
After experiencing the support Carole received at Colwall, Dennis says that concern began to ease.
“We found the care exceptional, really good.
Everybody here is absolutely brilliant. And that’s a big relief for us.”
Moving into a care home is a significant change, particularly after spending decades living together.
Dennis doesn't pretend that everything immediately felt normal. He describes feeling apprehensive on the day Carole moved in. For both of them, it took time to adjust to their new circumstances.
After around four to six weeks, Dennis began to feel that Carole had settled and that Colwall was somewhere she wanted to stay. Carole has since moved into a larger bedroom, giving her more space to personalise her surroundings and make the room feel like her own.
“You can make it look your own room. It’s lovely. Yes. We’re very, very pleased with it.”
For Dennis and Carole, good care isn't only about meeting practical needs. Staying connected to their family remains an important part of life.
Their daughter lives in Worcester and has a medical condition that can make getting around more difficult. Carole had not been able to see her in person for 12 months.
The Colwall team arranged transport so Carole could visit her. For Dennis, seeing them reunited was particularly meaningful.
“That was absolutely wonderful for them both… It was a very, very happy occasion.”
It is an example of how understanding someone's life beyond their immediate care needs can make a real difference.
Parkinson’s has affected some of the things Carole can do. She was previously an artist and produced a great deal of artwork.
Changes to the movement in her hands now make painting difficult. However, Carole continues to enjoy word games, giving her something she can engage with despite the physical effects of Parkinson’s.
Dennis believes continuing to use those abilities is important.
“You can lose your physical side, but mentally, if you can keep that, that’s really important.”
Carole's move to Colwall has changed life for Dennis too.
After years of providing increasing levels of care, he says he has more energy and can once again do things he had put aside.
“I’ve got more energy. I’m more able to do things which I wasn’t able to do over the last couple of years. I’ve felt a lot better in myself.”
Perhaps more importantly, their time together has changed. When Dennis visits Colwall, he no longer has sole responsibility for everything Carole needs. They can sit together in one of the lounges or spend time outside on the patio.
They talk, catch up, and Dennis shares news about what's happening with their family. Asked whether he now feels able to be Carole’s husband again rather than her carer, Dennis agreed.
“It’s lovely to come over, and we can spend time together.”
After almost 66 years of marriage, that time together still matters.
Living separately after so many decades together has inevitably required adjustment.
Dennis now lives alone, while Carole has had to become accustomed to a completely different home and routine. But knowing that she is well cared for has made that change easier.
“Now we feel more relaxed. Both of us feel more relaxed. We know that she’s being well looked after. That’s important to me.”
Dennis also says the Colwall team keeps him informed about Carole and the support she is receiving, helping him remain involved in her care.
Dennis recognises that choosing a care home is personal.
What feels right for one person may not necessarily be right for another. His advice is to visit and experience a home for yourself.
Having gone through that process with Carole, he says he would readily recommend Colwall Care Home.
“Everybody must take a look and see what they think personally.”
For Dennis, the most important outcome is that Carole has settled, is receiving the care she needs and is happy with where she lives. And for them both, their relationship can once again have more space to be about being husband and wife.
If changing care needs are making life at home more difficult, you don't have to wait until a decision becomes urgent.
At Rotherwood Healthcare, we can talk through your loved one's individual circumstances, explain the care available and answer your questions about moving into a care home.
Contact our team to discuss your loved one's needs or arrange a visit to Colwall Care Home.
